My bad! Children’s books.

naughty childrens books, funny childrens books
Check out Go the Fuck to Sleep and some other fun books you can’t live without.


When I was little, I was far too advanced in reading than most my age. I began getting bored with the age-appropriate books, so I would just grab a book from my mom’s or the library shelf and try to digest it way before I was ready. For instance, I was nine years old when I read The Color Purple. This was way more than I should have read at my age.

Basically, show me on the cover where the bad book touched you, little girl.

One of my favorite memories from childhood is asking my dad to explain some female concepts I’d read at something like 7-years-old in “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret.” I couldn’t understand why the word ‘period’ was used, followed by a period, because I’d only ever known it as the punctuation mark. Something like, “I had my period.”

He was caught off guard and flustered. He refused to explain and yelped for my mother. Little did he know she was laughing because she’d sent me to him.

Interestingly the older I get, the more I love simple children’s books; the books I should have been reading.

I love reading children’s books. I love writing children’s books. But I also love where my mind goes when I think about the kinds of children’s books you wouldn’t want your children to read.

Here’s my compilation of fantastic children’s book ideas I came up with:

  • The Liar, the Bitch, and the Wardrobe Her Sugar Daddy Bought Her
  • Oh the Places You’ll Taste Me
  • Curious George and the Quarterback Behind the Bleachers
  • Little Women in the Sex Slave Trade
  • Little Crack Whore House in the Ghetto
  • A Tale of Two Christian Girls Away at College
  • A Series of Unfortunate Abortions
  • Puss in Hooker Boots
  • Horton Hears His Parents Having Sex and Never Forgets It
  • Harry Potter and the Night He Got Stoned
  • Annie Oakland
  • Anne of Green Ghettos
  • James and the Giant Cellmate
  • The Jungle Fever Book
  • Snow White and the Seven Possible Baby Daddies on Maury
  • The Roly Poly Puppy Who Couldn’t Get Adopted and Was Euthanized
  • Goodnight Dying Sun
  • The Very Hungry Homeless Child
  • The Roly Poly Obese American

Read more funny schtuff about parenting and kids on Blame Mama. 


naughty childrens books, funny childrens books
Check out Go the Fuck to Sleep and some other fun books you can’t live without.


Did you know that buying from Amazon with my affiliate
link helps me pay for the drinking habit I don’t have?
My liver still thanks you. 

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